Update

Recently the astonishing lack of posts in this blog was brought to my attention by a friend. "Andrew, recently I was browsing the internet and noticed a severe lack of creativity" she said in not those exact words. Well my loyal readers, I blame myself. I think it's been too long since my last post and I think that I'm going to have to fix that now, before I go to bed because I'm really tired from doing all the Andrew-things that I do which include, but are not limited to: eating, school, Taekwondo, snacks.

So, I know a lot of you have been dying for an update on my life and I'm here to satisfy that need. I'll start off with a story:

Andrew DeCoster rolled out of his bed with the ferocity of a mountain cougar that has just discovered its work expenses are not tax deductible. Quickly throwing on some random clothes that were astoundingly well coordinated, Andrew leapt down the stairs like a nimble mountain goat with his hair disheveled in a similar manner. Throwing on a coat or three he pried open a can of delicious dog food and poured into his dog's bowl so his dog could eat the food, she's very picky about her food and will not eat it if its still in the can, so needlesstosay Andrew DeCoster is a little anxious as he carefully places the food down on the ground and opens the basement door to let his dog into the kitchen. They keep their dog down in the basement because that's the accepted place for dogs to sleep and if she slept anywhere else she might start getting an ego and that can't happen. Everyone knows that Killer's lack of an ego is one of her main attractive features.

Anywho, Andrew DeCoster briskly walks his dogs keeping a sharp eye out for vagabonds or other people who might want to take his money. Rushing back to the safe cocoon of warmth provided by his house he returned Killer's leash to the weathered and beaten nail on the door frame and takes of his coat(s). What follows is approximately 20 minutes of Andrew laying face down on his sofa immobile amidst the floating melody of the easy jazz featured on the Weather Channel during the morning. The jazz makes Andrew feel very chic but soon he pulls himself up and forces himself to take a shower. The shower is really nice and warm and Andrew spends about 10 minutes drying off and making sure all of his various limbs are in tip top shape. No malfunctioning legs today! Combing his hair and brushing his teeth, Andrew pulls on a fashionable long sleeve top to match his fashionable pants and heads off to school.

If Andrew could go to school in any way he wanted to, he'd probably choose something pretty dramatic, like a dragon or a Mafioso’s limousine. Instead he settles for his mother's silver Hyundai Sante Fe which takes roughly 5 hours in the morning to warm up so it doesn't feel like the artic tundra inside. Andrew's used to this. He prepares. He brings a blanket.

In all seriousness he likes the fact his mother gives him a ride to school. Not only is it considerate on his part, but it gives him a chance to bond with his mom, something he doesn't get the time to do.

An example conversation to illustrate bonding:

Mother: Andrew I just want to say that I'm really proud of your as my son. Anything you want to talk about?
Andrew: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ahh, bonding at its finest. Andrew feels proud when he gets out of the car. Family is important to Andrew, right up there with breakfast, and with similar qualities. Varying shapes, sizes, flavors, and textures but at the end of the day it's all necessary to survive.

Another thing Andrew needs to survive: his fans. Upon arriving at school Andrew is immediately surrounded by an incessant crowd of screaming groupies he has to literally roundhouse kick out of the way. This can prove difficult especially when his legs aren't working, but this morning they are, and the result is tremendous. THWACK! WHAP! BAM! There's a clear path to school.

The school day that follows is a big blur for Andrew. He excels in all of his classes and as painful as this is to admit, all of the adoration of his teachers begins to blend together after awhile.

Teacher: Andrew, you have great potential but Lincoln Logs have no place in my classroom.
Andrew: No, YOU'RE amazing!

After school Andrew is presented with a few options depending upon the day. A few days out of the week Andrew has extra-curricular commitments. He approaches these with casual ease. A good example of this is the Model UN. Andrew's country is Canada. Many of the students participating in this club believe he chose this country for such greater underlying purpose, when in fact he just chose it because he loves pancakes and Maple Syrup and when he was vacationing at Niagara Falls two years earlier the gay man who owned the bed and breakfast he stayed at made tremendous pancakes.

After school and extra curricular activities Andrew finds himself in a bit of a quagmire. It's roughly 4 o'clock, and he doesn't need to go to Taekwondo (or the Ninja Academy as he refers to it), until 5:30. That's almost two hours, depending on your rounding. Instead of doing homework Andrew usually ends up reading books with such ambitious titles as "Humans: Creatures of Grander Design" or "Compasses: Archaic or Sex Symbols?” Occasionally he well read a book that does not feature a colon in the title but this is rare. He will almost never read a book that features colons as the main topic. Word choice is something Andrew revels in.

The End

So that story sums up (basically) my everyday life but don't be fooled. Everyday is an adventure for me and has something different to offer.

College has become a big part of my life lately, as I imagine it has for most students my age across America. The college search and application process actually proved underwhelming for me. I visited all of my schools in advance, had little to no trouble whittling my list of potential interests down to 5 or 6 I wanted to apply to and so far have not encountered any problems with the 4 applications I've sent off already. I've even been accepted into a University, my Number 2 pick, no less. While some may say this is good news, I disagree. I was really looking forward to the drama and trouble that is associated with the college application process. I'm talking about some last minute panic attacks, rushing to find stamps, kidnapping postal workers, discovering illegitimate children of important school officials, blackmail, and a hell of a lot more paper cuts. Instead I'm faced with the inevitable fact of modern life, the digital adaptation of even the most analog-based processes. I fancied myself a man of traditional nature trapped in a world of circuitry and dehumanizing processes but instead have reveled in the way the computer has streamlined and simplified the college application process. CLICK fill out some forms. CLICK make up some information. CLICK guess my social security number. CLICK send it off to the college of my dreams.

In addition, my brain has been working overtime lately, and not just on the usual stuff (Why DO badgers look like that?). No, instead I've found that the curriculum of my Advanced Placement English (which I find much more gratifying than saying English AP) has twisted my brain into strange new configurations. Suddenly a three sentence poem by such a great writer as E.E. Cummings can be interpreted as if it were a 7 or 8 sentence poem. New worlds have been revealed to me within the dusty pages of books I had never heard of before. As a result, I've been thinking about life and my role in the world a lot more lately than I ever have before.

I could go on and on about the intricacies of my crazy Andrew-thoughts, but I won't put you, my delicate readers with your fragile psyches through an ordeal like that. Instead I've summarized my thoughts in an easy-to-read wish list.

-I want to have the strength of character exhibited by Tommy Lee Jone's character in The Fugitive. You know the part I'm talking about. When he dresses up like a hobo to raid that dude's house with all the other cops and then when one of his officers gets a gun pointed to his head by a criminal, Jones doesn't hesitate but just blows the bad guy's brains out. I hope one day I can get to the point where my morals and values have such an integrity that I wouldn't dream of hesitating.

-Another person I'd love to be more like is Rosa Parks. Admittedly, this would be difficult. First and foremost I am not a woman. Also, not black. But I really admire the ideals she stood for. I'd say that I'd like to be like Gandhi because he seems like a male version of Rosa Parks but I'm not even sure if they had buses in India, plus he didn't have much fashion sense. I have no ideas how many lines I just crossed there, but I'm guessing it’s a few.

-Finally I wish that I could sleep as easily at night as I imagine Mr. Rogers did. I'm not saying I envy the man's life, although being privy to the goings on of a magical community full of puppets is kick-ass. But I would like to be able to, at the end of the day, sum up the lessons I learned and the mistakes I made using simple words and then take off my jacket and hang it up nice and neat before going to bed.

I really hope that this post was sufficiently long to (sort of) make up for the lack of posts in recent weeks.

Updates before the end of the week, I promise.