Gravitas

What! I haven't posted something yet with the word gravitas in it? This needs to be changed.

Before going on, let me explain something to you. Gravitas is my favorite word. More than favorite. If I had to BE a word, I would choose gravitas. There is NO better word, and I love it not only because of what it means, but because even SAT trainers 9 times out of 10 have no idea what the hell it means. I do, however, which I think is great, and I've been trying my hardest to explain to my friends what gravitas means. It's not even in my Webster's dictionary. Webster needs to get his act together, because this isn't the first time I haven't found a word in there. That guy is responsible for a lot of lost bets in Scrabble.

Okay, I just checked Dictionary.com (the best source of definitions you'll be able to find in less than 10 seconds from a reputable internet source. what? you don't trust the internet? why the hell not?). Gravitas WAS listed on there as a word that exists, which is very reassuring to me. What isn't very reassuring is the definition.

grav‧i‧tas/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[grav-i-tahs, ‑tas]
–noun

seriousness or sobriety, as of conduct or speech.

That is a completely direct Copy and Paste which has been edited to fit my needs. Basically, this definition falls a little short in more than one area. First of all, gravitas cannot be limited to one's speech or conduct. Gravitas applies to all things, including thought and the way one expresses onself through writing, or chanting, or painting, or building balsa wood sets of Abraham Lincoln's face in your basement. Gravitas is an assured confidence, a subtle non-chalance, a preplanned series of graceful movements, words, and thoughts that come together to form the fabric of life. If Yoda knew what it meant he would have ditched "The Force" faster than a can of freeze dried lima beans.

Gravitas can be explained best through a series of forceful swiping hand gestures that looks like this:


WHIFF

WHIFF

WHOOF


..............


WHIFF

Do you understand? No? Damn.

Gravitas is....Well...let me use an example. Let's say Charles is very "gravitas oriented". He is accustomed to the extent and practical use of everyday gravitas. He handles himself with confidence, and stands with his chin up, facing the world around him with brilliant confidence. He is the master of his domain, an aspiring gravitas master.

Some guy comes up behind him and hits him in the back of the head with a rotten beet. what would a normal response be? Most likely a verbal or physical assault coupled with "bustin' a cap" depending on where you live. Not Charles. No, our dear friend Charles has something else in mind. Stepping calmly up to this troubled individual Charles confidently positions himself with his shoulders square, feet set chest width apart, leaning slightly to the left, with his right arm extended to meet his waist slightly above the hipline, his other hand nestled in the confines of the front left pocket of his European silk sport jacket.

"Excuse me sir, but I believe you dropped this." Charles holds up the half crushed beet cradling it gently in fingers that could easily crush the lanryx of the responsible individual.

"Whatever dude, you think your so cool walking around like that. You're in Chicago. Why the f*ck are you wearing a sports jacket?"

Laying his hand solidly on the young man's shoulders Charles calmly appraises the situation.

"You're obviously troubled. I'm willing to help you. But first you need to grow and develop. Take charge of your mind, and work actively to make something of yourself."

"Get your hands off of me assh*le."

"Sorry, sir. I was just returning your beet."

The young man discovers, to his obvious distaste, that Charles has smeared the beet all over his shoulder.

"You're going to pay for that."

"I'll bet." Charles smiles, knowing he has the upper head. He remembers the first and only gravitas rule: A clear mind can conquer any situation. The man grins showing two rows of scraggly rotten teeth.

"You think you can take me? I'm a streetfighter! B*tch! I'll tear you apart!"

Charles smiles, revealing two rows of sparking white teeth. "I bet you could."

At this point, the man is confused. Charles has not shown the usual signs of fear or abrupt anger. Instead, Charles has gotten control of the situation and this nameless troublemaker suddenly finds himself at the opposite side of the spectrum. This is not where he expects himself to be, and his surprise and confusion results in only a more rapid deterioration of the situation. His limited use of "street" gravitas can do little to slow the exponential effects of his ultimate failure. Charles has won, and he is that much stronger for it.


Of course, not ALL situations go as above, but it is a general rule that people who have mastered their gravitas generally do better in their lives. They are finacially, physically, and mentally assured in both their personal and proffessional lives, and they live with confidence, something so many troubled individuals out there go from day to day without.


Confidence is everything. Even if you're not sure of something, people will look for confidence when talking with you, and recognize it. they will respect you, and you willrespect them. That is the circle of gravitas, the cycle that controls the flow of the natural world.

So come on, hit me with your best shot. My good friend Mr. Gravitas and I are waiting for you. Bring it on.