A Stern but Firm Kick to the Face

No I haven't been kicked in the face, however I think there are a lot of people in the world who might need one.

As you obviously don't know, I take Tae-Kwon-Do, a fantastic Korean martial art which involves moving around rapidly in these really neat cotton clothes that seem to have a built in "wrinkle system". If you've ever done anything remotely physical in the sort of clothes I'm talking about you now what I mean. It is not an uncommon occurence among us "martial artists" to discover, after a session, that the left leg of our pants, for example, have developed a wrinkle down the side the rivals the Rio Grande in size. This is disturibing to me, not because I really care whether or not a large geographical formation has formed on my pantlegs during a workout, but that my instructer, a young Korean man with enough energy to power a small city just by running on a treadmill attached "Looney Toons Style" to a power converter, might find out about my unsightly wrinkle, and order me to do some light training excersise to discipline myself such as push ups, or learning to base jump "without all those stupid lines and chutes".

Of course I am being funny here, but the fact remains that in Tae-Kwon-Do the first thing any new white belt must learn is that to discipline one's body, one must first discipline one's mind. You see the inverse of this scenario ALL the time. Take the guy standing behind you at the fast food place, you know the guy I'm talking about. He has a neck the size of a small redwood tree trunk, arms that seem to be constructed in the same factory they use to make Hummers, and short little legs with way too many viens. He is also usually wearing athletic shorts, shoes with no socks, and stretched across a freight train chest, some old T-Shirt that is always from a painting company.

At first glance one of these individuals might seem pretty impressive. Taken at face value, such a massive mound of muscle must surely posess the skills, knowledge, and maturity to act as responsible family man, caring neighbor, and politically aware citizen. Only when he strides up the counter and begins to order twice the daily out put of the entire restaraunt, do you begin to realize your mistake in assuming.

"Hello sir, may I help you?"
"Yeah, you know, I'd like a, whaz it called, 42 1/2 pound Burger, on an ultra large sesame seed roll with a you know, the ketchup and the mustard and all that crap. Also, one a those super large cheese infused orders of french fries. If it's possible make 'em less French. Five milkshakes, four ultra large, make the last one medium, cause I'm on a diet. Also, I need some fries or something."
"You already ordered fries sir, would you like me to double your order."
"Yeah, double it, I like the sound of that. Double. Some pie."
"Excuse me sir?"
"Yeah, some PIE! You know PIE! It tastes so good like my grandma used to make. Tasty ya know?"
"Would that be all sir?"
"What iz you crazy?"
"No sir, I...."
"I sittin' here at this counter orderin' food and you treat me like a dog off da streets!?!"
"Sorry sir."
"Whatever. Also some ice cream. For the kids. I figure two gallon's 'll hold 'em."
"That'll be 146.83 sir."
"What, they raised prices again?!"
"Our prices are listed right there."
"I know, lady, I can see 'em." pulls paint splattered credit card out of bill fold (wallets are for the french).

So you see my point. These are the types of people who assault little league players when their son's team loses. Looks can be decieving. On the other hand, my instructer is disciplined in both the mind and body, and I have a strong feeling that he would be able to precisely disable most of the ^above's organs before the guy registered him even moving.

That might be exxageration, but trust me, if you ever find yourself in a fight, side with the people who seem to be able to keep thier calm and understand the situation there in. Otherwise, you run the hazard of recieivng a stern but firm kick to the face.