The Sweet Smell of True Love...

Love. It's a wonderful thing. Some people say that it is what deifnes us as humans. What encompasses us everyday of our human lives, and what truly makes the world go round. These people rarely survive more than five months outside of the protection of their parents. No, no, I am not a callous individual who cares not for the human emotions that define us. I just think its stupid to proclaim your love for someone (or something) when you still live with your parents, don't have a job, and watch Saturday morning cartoons. Do young people really need companionship that badly? I'm a teenager, always have been, will be for at least a couple more years. The doctor says that I am at the peak of my hormonal activity. Why is it, that I'm finding it hard to openly say I love someone when I truly do not.

True love (for teenagers) smells like goose shit. I kid you not.

There is a pond near where I live. If it weren't for the type of water it has floating in it, its size, shape, and location, I'm sure it would be quite a nice pond. The trouble is that the water is barely hip deep in most places, yet the visibility is limited to approximately an inch, below which blossoms a large presumably unididentified form of algae that I believe might have migrated here from hell. On top of the water a decent sized flock of ducks and geese thrive, if you classify a daily existence of attempting to survive off of the bits of plastic floating in the water "thriving". These geese have mastered a very unusual ability. I like to calll this the "ability to get out of the water, onto the sidewalk (which circles the pond), excrete solid waste, and climb back into the water. I'm sure this is the only species of bird that has an actual preffered place of depositing solid waste, and unfortunately, it makes the place smell really bad.

This grassy areas around the pond have become a famous place for young "couples" to lounge in the cancerous grass, basking in the sweet glow of thier pubscent lust, and attempt to ignore the pervasive stench of algae that surrounds the place. I believe that if the smell was a certain color, the area around the pond effected by the smell would be visible from the Space Station.

Why is this place such a great "make-out" spot? The finer points of intimacy are admittedly not my forte, but I believe that even a Pokemon intensive five year old would know there would be quite a few places you'd want to take your better half than a goose's shithole.

I was walking my German Shepard, Killer, the other day, and happened to find myself circling the aforementioned pond. As I attempted to persuade my dog that each little pile of goose droppings smelled the same and that she did not need to smell each one every time we passed by, I noticed a few "couples" lounging in the midday sun. One pair had brought out a blanket and what looked to be a lunch container of some sort. Their faces were currently bonded at the molecular level. I walked past, keeping my gaze forward, knowing full well the proper ettiquette once must show in such a decorous world that we live it. How dare I act rudely to these people who apparently were giving a lesson on intimate foreplay in a nieghborhood full of children. I should be ashamed to even notice it. As I kept walking along, dragging Killer, I noticed another couple a few meters down the stretch. They had decided to go au naturale and had skipped the blanket and tentatively pre-identified food container altogether and just sat with each other on the grass. I wondered for a brief moment if whether or not they knew that the geese rarely limited themselves to the pavement, when I noticed their faces weren't chemically bonded. If this was a bad sign, a quick microscopic flick of my eyes confirmed that they weren't even holding hands. Uh-oh. This was a bad sign. The man (and I mean man in this case by someone one or two years younger than me) was sitting back with his arms crossed attempting to look muscular, non-chalant, disinterested, and extremely focused on one goose all at the same time. The woman (and I mean woman in this case by someone one or two years younger than me), was gazing out at the water, not even trying to cover up her obvious boredom. She was repeatedly tapping a long thin branch against the ground, seeming to find some form of relief in watching it break into tiny fragments. I'm not a phycologist, but I believe that if your girlfriend is finding more interest in a dead tree limb than you, something isn't right with your relationship.